Linda Kristien

Tho they are rare; there are moments I don’t want to listen to music. Right now is one of them. It’s because I’m sad, I had a yukkee dream. Usually music lifts me right out of such a mood but I do have moments that music actually adds to me feeling sad. That’s when music is like looking at facebook pics of other peeps actually starring in their self-fab-created flick. This chick, has no flick. My flick would be damn boring. All I do all day is sit on the couch being a slouch.

Yes, ouch! (time:1:23 am) The numbers agree with me. The last five nights I’ve probably slept a total of maybe seven hours. There has been some physical improvement tho. I have managed to workout the last five days in a row! Wow… The next five days I’ll be all alone in this Amazing Race. My friend left this morning; off to France. (word count:137) A little mini-holiday. It reminds me of a time when I was little and me and my fam were on a holiday in France. I loved it!

Each morning one of us kids had to bike to the local bakery to buy fresh baguettes for breakfast. O the fabulous smell of those French bakeries.. Nothing beats it. Well, wood does. I’d get all excited and a little nervous too, when it’d be my turn to bike, early morning, to the bakery. Before taking off on my bike, my parents drilled one french sentence in me:” Trois baguettes, s’il vous plait,” (word count:222)words I would utter when it’d be my turn to give my order to the (word count:234) french lady behind the counter of the pittoresque bakery. I’d be in trouble if she’d reply to me: I did not understand one word of french, as little as I was. Just in case the lady (word count:273) would not understand my french I’d hold up three fingers while simultaneously uttering my memorized french, so there would be no confusion as to how many baguettes my family would expect me to come home with.

Three baguettes for a family of seven. I loved eating those baguettes. Still warm and soft. I’d eat ‘em inside out. Pluck ‘em out with my little fingers while still being a lil proud after my morning bread-run for making it back to our camp-site on my bikey with three big baguettes in a large bag dangerously dangling beside my steeringwheel. O the smell of the french countryside, bread and morning dew. Why am I talking baguette to you?

(draft saved:1:33:44 am)Last night me and my friend watched Julie & Julia, the movie. My friend had never seen it. Oooo, enormous loud beep in my ear. I know the invisibles are right here. It’s not clear to me, what they’d like to convey. I’ll (time:1:37 am) just continue to have my say.

“Bout the sleeping thing and how it’s so off; well, yesterday I said to a friend of mine:”If I wouldn’t know any better I’d think that my body knows something I don’t: it’s almost like it’s already adjusting to a different time-zone.” I mean: I’m awake during the nights and sleep, or attempt to, during the days. Invisibles: “have your way!”

My body does not agree with me being here. My hair is a mess, being at sea-level gives me stress; I simply long for the feeling when I had to go and get: three baguettes! That feeling is my prayer and I give thanks for what I know I already have. (time:1:44 am)

Just ate a fishy I didn’t eat yesterday. Dunno what’s goin on with me, but it seems I’m again on a good ‘ol writing spree. Lovely! I love to write write write but really; isn’t it about time for a different story? How long can we drag this one out? (time:8:08 am) I feel like we’ve stretched this one beyond stretching. It’s actually exactly the way I feel too. Stretched.

I’m like: how much more light can I house? (word count:73) It’s so lovely to see that the numbers are still with me. We are so in tune. About the light.. yeah. There is something that wants to come out. Something which happened a while ago. On a Monday. Monday eve. I can’t talk deets but I can tell you this: someone looked at me and all he could see was transparency and my female power literally floored him (word count:144)And the best of this story is: I didn’t need to do anything. He could feel me from a mile away and he could not stay away. (word count:173)

(time:8:11 am)I can’t nor do I want to go into deets about this particular story. Why not? I’ll keep that one for myself too. I will tell ya in person and maybe, just maybe: I’ll floor you too! Yahoo. The best thing about this eve was, that this bloke, didn’t see me, all he could see was my light. And when I told him about how I live and ’bout my life, he said:”You ain’t broke! You ain’t got no nothing; you’ve got it all!”

Yeah, that eve? Was rather big, not small. I’m kinda surprised I still got the house to myself. My friend has been gone all day. It usually happens this way. If I have to write, the unseens make it happen so that I can let it all out; by myself. It’s when I’m at my best. Music playin’, dancin’ in between posts; yeah; that’s when this host, is in heaven.

It still rains too. That’s how it’s always been when I got a writing spree hidden inside of me. They won’t let me go anywhere unless I’ve thrown it all online. So fine. This whole day I’ve been really into listening to soul mixes. Oldskool baby. Me loves it. Reminds me of (time:8:18 am)a few good times I had in Vancouver. Somewhere downtown: gastown.

Location: Honey. ‘T was the only place me and my friends found to go and dance. And I did. Super rad! That is something I sorely missed during my time in Vancouver; good places to go and dance, socialize. It’s just a very standoffish town. Sorry Vancouverites, but it is. And something needs to happen ’bout it! Honey was the only place that had it, to my knowledge. But what do I know? Nothing. Maybe I never found the right peeps to socialize with and thus the right places.

Later on I heard about a few other good places but that’s when my money really start to run out. Or did I run out of money? O honey. I used to not be really good with money. When I was waaaaaaaaay younger I’d spent way too much on clothes. I was always having a personal recession. But ascension taught me well how to handle a low-on-money spell. I’ve had weeks I had only like five bucks to spent. That was all. But I never worry about money honey. I never do.

I’m like Drunvalo. I know the universe provides. Always! And honey: I know you know that too! I know you know also, that you are not the centre of the universe but that the universe is the centre of you. All is inside and well, listening to that thing within, there can be but one outcome: abundance! In everything. Totally aligned with my authentic me. And you.

I can feel a sigh of relief. I dunno why. Is it you, or me? Honey, don’t you worry. I know exactly what I do. But a girl ‘s gotta do, what she’s gotta do, so I can be there totally and solely for you! (word count:673)Published:8:37.

As I’m sittn’ here on da infamous couch, instead of being out with the trees, cuz yeah; it decided to start to rain on me; I opened my facebook page. First I see: SD likes burning man and two other pages. Next I see Marianne Williamson’s update: My next book  A COURSE IN WEIGHT LOSS, will be published on November 2. And while reading that I can’t help but think: this consciously co-creating really stinks!

Cuz it seems no-thing comes to pass. I wrote about burningman. And that I really wanted to go. No, I knew: I would be there. And when I know something; it usually really does come true. But, it’s Sunday (word count: 111) today and well: Burning Man starts tomorrow and there is no way; I could possibly be there tomorrow. I mean: I am here in Holland with a passport that needs to be renewed which probably takes a week to do and since I got no dough to do so: I got no where to go.

But; what happened to believing (word count:173) in miracles? Trust me: I still do. Only I have no clue what the Universe decides to do. In fact: I’m clueless. (time:6:37 am) I guess; I’m meant to write a bit more. What more could there possibly be to explore?? Ok. I know what it is. Yesterday while grocery shopping a stalker gave me a big hit! Babe, I will show you what a real stalker looks like! Here goes.

You like? I do! Babe.. Just. For. You! I hope you know that right now I’m almost rollin’ off the couch laughing. Gosh, I’m having so much fun with this writing shit. Most peeps might have a hard time following the story line in it, but I don’t. And what matters the most is that I love what I do. I don’t write for you, I write for me. And it just so happens that the whole universe is inside of me and so are you! And all this just happens to come thru…

Stalking? Maaaan; the entire universe is stalking me! And it hurts! Tremendously. Do you have any idea what I feel when the energy hits? It’s beyond shit. But let’s not go there. Shit stories are just that: shit. To be read on the loo. (word count:371)Actually: that is something I do. It’s just such a nice ‘n quiet place. And my friend, well; she always leaves a book or two on the loo and when I’m there I simply open it and the other day it contained a clue. From you?

I dunno, but something tells me to go ahead and write about it. I have no clue whether it will have a good hit in it but the story was about a gas tank. The book? Sacred Geometry by Drunvalo Melchizedek. I haven’t read it. Just one page. I was bored and flipped thru it and got stuck on that particular spot.

The moral of the story Melchizedek shared was that the universe always provides and it just so happened that Drunvalo really needed a spare gas/petrol tank. To make a long story really short ( boy, can we abort this one too?!) he found a brand new one (he at the time had no money, just like me now) out in the middle of the woods!

I like that story. Now; I have a few requests to make myself; to da U.n.i.v.e.r.s.e. Yepseeeers. You see: I’m completely outta money. Well, I got 30 dollars left, but I can’t buy me anythink with dolla’s in euro country. Unless, yeah yeah.. I like where this thread is bringing me: unless: I get to go on a flight back, to ma home country: Canada! Or Costa Rica! I hear there are some splendid trees there too! Joohoo! I sound like a kid now don’t I?

That’s something you should know too: I’m still a big kid! Really! You should have a chat with my friend I now live with, she’ll tell ya all about it. I can be happy as a little kid about the stupidest things. I’m totally aware of it but I do not give a shit. I’m really weird too. I say random things just out of the blue. Peeps will look at me, like:” giiirrrl, how do you do?! You ok? “

That’s up to you. I know I am.

Well babe, I just took a shower and it was kinda quiet. No messages. I wonder why that is. But then again: it’s all good as it is. It makes that I can go out to my friends; the trees. Who woulda thought that in this lifetime I’d call my best buds; trees?! Not me. But I love them so very deeply. It’s something I can’t explain in words. It’s beyond words. Trees just have such an incredible beauty. It’s something that is seen at times, but mostly: it’s felt.

Trees speak to me. To my heart. When I really let myself go there, I almost start to cry. That’s how deeply trees touch me. Last night a very dear friend sent me an e-mail. It was a poem about trees. I connected with every word of it. She knows how much I love trees and (word count:144) as a dessert she attached pics to it with the most stunning trees. I’ll share some here. And here. And here.

I don’t need to know how come the trees speak to me. They just do. Just like flowers, stones and animals. But nothing compares to trees. They fill me with such love. And their grace, is beyond any human race. I don’t hug trees. I gently touch them. Or sit against them when I’m really tired. Or I go for slow walks amongst them. Preferably in total silence. And that, that is something I really miss from being in BC. There is never a total silence here.

Silence not only makes that I can hear, silence mostly makes that I can feel. Cuz really; hearing is feeling. (draft saved: 5:30:33 am)And on extremely intense energy days (read: light download days): I can feel an ant walking past me. That’s how sensitive I am. Yeppers. I guess the dream I had was to make somethink clear. To me? You? I dunno but I guess I just had to write ’bout it joohoo. 

Word count:321. I wonder: (draft saved: 5:33:33 am) am I not on a roll? Should I just stop to write and go on my nature stroll? Now I hear somethink a friend recommended to me. He said I should read Jack Kerouac. I said:”Who?” Well, he explained a bit to me and now my curiosity really wants to read some of his work. (word count:377) Omg! I just googled Jack Kerouac quotes and this one came up: ” (time:5:37 am)The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

Holy fuck! Will this ever stop? Cuz you know where this goes. To you, Will. Lemme refresh my readers’ mind. Here goes. Why is it every time Mercury retro rolls around; you come out? Am I missing something I should see?

Why can’t someone just tell me, so I can be free of this story??!

***

Here is the poem, written by Joyce Kilmer (1886-1918)

I think that I shall never see, a poem as lovely as a tree

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest, against the Earth’s sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day, and lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear, a nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain, who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by people like me, but only God can make a tree.

***

This, is now my fave Jack Kerouac quote:” I had nothing to offer anybody, except my own confusion.” Published: 5:55 am.

The Matrix. Never seen that movie. Should I? I can tell you about the matrix myself. I’m living it. The only thing is: my body don’t know it yet. It refuses to co-operate where my mind already is. I don’t know why that is. It’s frustrating, really. Like, when I walk amongst my beloved trees (time:2:12 am) I regularly run up against one in the hopes that this time, yes this time I manage to go up real high and flip off of it by doing a backwards summersault.

Needless to say: I’m not there yet. Where am I? On. Da. Couch. With the worst red, swollen and itchy eyes ever. And I hate it. In fact: my entire body aches and itches. (word count:123) The numbers seem to agree with me. According to something I read, we’re going thru a phase of hidden stargates. And the ones which are hidden are worse than the ones who are right there, in your face.

Reminds me of a post I once wrote in this frickin’ Amazing Race. Called: The Hidden Genius. Now, I have no idea why that post is being shoved in the face of this host. Lemme look it up. Wait, I’ll pop it for you too. I just read it, did you? Jesus Christ… Is this going where my heart wants it to? I simply keep on keepin’ on following one after the other clue. Just for you. And me.

So yes. I’m a detective. Super de-tached. I can not, I repeat: can not get attached to my suspect. (time;2:22 am) I have not. I remained being the same curious investigator as I’ve been from the moment we were in, this lame game. But me, I’m no longer the same. I’ve grown. Not only physically. Nah. With my body exploding I grew mentally, galactically and emotionally exponentionally too. Joohooo.

I have no clue what wants to come thru, in this post. Maybe another hidden clue? One that is obvious to you, but not me? Or maybe… I’m simply playin’ the dummy in this game. Never, never let the suspect know, you’re on to him. Or did I just give away the outcome of this lame game? Honestly: I dunno. I dunno anythink. (word count:373)

You know what I’m gonna do babe? I’m gonna run. So. much. fun. I’m not running away from you; that’s impossible. You’re like, inside of me. Where-ever I go, there you are. No escapin’ for me. But really, where’s the chili?! Me? I just really really really wannu be physically freed from this lame game.

***

It is two hours later now and I just ran. It was good and I was beyond happy to be able to go for some exercise but now I’m so utterly emtpy. No energy. That run did take all I had out of me. Plus, I think I ripped my hammy. Yep, that’s so me. It’s either all or nothink. There is no slowing down. I either sprint or I sit like a lazy pig on the couch. It’s very type A, but really, don’t box me in. I’ll box right out of it. When I walked back, I ran straight into a whif from someone’s cig. Ugh.

And now that I sit, on da couch, my hands are so shaky, I can hardly type. Word count? 555! I am not kiddin’ ya. It was the same three digits I saw on my bike. The one I used for five mins to cool down after my ab-work and intervals on the tredmill. I stepped off of the bike and the amount of time I had been on it said: 5:55.

I’ll refrain from sayin’: I’m in for a ride. Nothink ever happens and I’ve given up hope that something ever will. I accept where I’m at. I dare not look ahead. Has time completely collapsed? All that is left: now.

Time to shower. I wonder:”will it have a message for me?” If it does; I’ll be sure to set it free. Right here. No fear. Keep on dancin’ peeps. I’ll do the same. Whether in my mind or….laaaame.

Ok babe, I think we’ve done enough talking. I think it’s about time we get down to business. Why don’t you just get your sweet ass over here? We’ve got work to do babe and I can’t wait! I’m so done talking about me and how I’m in such physical misery. I mean, it is what it is and sure I will survive it but I just can’t wait to get started.

On what? I dunno. It will come to me, us, when (time:9:11 am) we’ve finally touched. O yeah.. about that: the touching thing. Dunno bout you but I’ve read that book, well more than one. Almost all of them. The Ringing Cedars of Russia. And ehm, well. I’m all for sex ‘n all but (word count:123) I’d like that to happen in pure divinity. It happens to be so that when it happens that way you will not ever cheat on me.

In order for that spell to work and for us to come together in pure unadulterated bliss: firstly, I have to make sure you are not attracted to me. Physically. Well babe, I sure did my best. I’m an absolute mess! I’m sure when you see me, you’ll be like:”That my cookie?” I can’t give that one a nookie.” But that’s good, that’s good. What’s not so good, is that when we do get to that state of becoming One in every possible way; I will be knocked up right away.

Now, I say: that not so good. I ain’t ready to be a mom. First I want to have some fun! I want to have my figure back, cuz this baby kinda made me, well; a slob. I don’t do well being a slob. Not. At. All. I like my hair nice ‘n all, my feet all pedicured but on the other hand: I’m a real nature freak too. Who says that being a princess and a happy camper do not go together? Bullshit I say.

(word count:330) So, what are we gonna do with ourselves before we really get to play? Or do you like test-driving? I sure do. But maybe that is not a surprise to you. Once, me and a friend, test-drove a pink mini cabrio. Yeah! We had so much fun! She carried an 8 ‘n half old baby in her belly that day. It would be our company car. We talked about starting a company together and we’d call it dis-connected. Needless to say: that company never happened. Or the car.

Wasn’t meant to be. But baby, are we? I’m sure you’ll tell me. Now, I’m gonna eat a fishy.

Dear Babe,

Yesterday and the day before I’ve been on a bit of a movie spree. I watched way more movies than just three. ‘T was cuz I was bored. The forelast movie I saw was Dear John. And I just love how they wrote letters to each other. In a way, I’m doing the same. I know you are reading me. I feel it. I love the thought of you reading my words.

I hope you read between the lines. I hope you know that sometimes I might come across as really self assured and yes, maybe, sometimes, I am but mostly I’m not. I blush really easily and when I’m not comfortable around peeps or I feel kinda intimidated I get really shy. But that is all just a facade cuz inside that shy person is a girl who knows herself really well and really isn’t intimidated by anything nor does she feel the need to intimidate anyone.

When I feel really really really comfortable around peeps: I can be really funny. Tho it’s rare for that to come out cuz I rarely feel really comfy around peeps. It’s cuz I feel so much. I pick up on everything and when a lot of acts are being played, I’d rather run and hide. That’s why it’s best for me to be alone or with peeps who are really in touch with who they really are and not afraid to show it to the world. No matter what that looks like.

You see, I really don’t care what someone looks like or what they do in life. If they feel good to me; that’s when I like being with that person. I still don’t get why I get upset about my own looks at times tho. (time:2:22 am)Sometimes I wish you’d write a letter back to me, but then again: in telepathy we don’t really need letters. But there is something to say for those good ‘ol times. I remember my year in America (word count:333) when the computer wasn’t as common as hair on my face these days.

Each day I’d check the mailbox to see if there would be a letter for me! And I’d be so happy when there was one. It’s like a little present. Those little presents are replaced by e-mails who transcend time and space. It’s instant. It’s said that’s also how we are gonna get our bods back. A whole lotta time ago, like way back, I also did a little thinking and came to the same conclusion as what I just said.

Instant manifestations. Wouldn’t that be nice. But the world would be even more of a mess then it already is, if every peep has this (word count:444 time:2:34 am)ability to instantly manifest what they want. Hence: ascension and mastering your emotional body cuz imagine all the dark thoughts on this planet manifesting instantly? That’d be fucked.

Btw; did you see that movie ‘The Invention of Lying’? Well, first we need to get to that place where we all say what we truly think and feel and no longer act. It’s so scary to go into the world these days. All these peeps acting out a role! But that in itself is not the scary part. What is scary is that most of the peeps don’t know they are acting! Some get paid really well tho, (time:2:37 am) to act. Like lawyers, doctors and judges too.

But in the world where I live, there is no need for lawyers, doctors and judges. In my world: we are all those ourselves. But when you act and you truly believe in the act you play: you truly believe there is a need for all those professions. But I’m drifting. We were talking ‘Dear John’ and letters.

So babe, this is like my Dear John letter to you. Even tho I’ve written like almost 600 of those and have never gotten just one letter back: I’ll keep on keepin’ on. It just makes me feel so good. I don’t know what it does to you. Maybe you are annoyed with me. Maybe you are saying:’Stop stalking me!” Or maybe, just maybe; it brings a little smile to your face each time you open my page and see that I’ve written yet again something new is this space.

Dare I even take it a step further? Maybe this is like dope to you. Just like how it feels when you are coming thru. In telepathy. Where everything happens instantly.

The latest rom-com I watched (yes, I’m a bit of a sucker for those) was “When In Rome”. This girl, unknowingly at first, put a spell on a few blokes. One of them she really started to like. And he liked her. Well, to make a long story short: in the end, they got hitched.

Can we make this long story short too? But please, let it be sweet.

Love, Apple

Don’t you just love Mercury? Man, every time that sucker rolls around another few layers are being peeled or…..reviewed! And that just sucks. I’m so done with the reviews and all that. I actually decided to boycot this Mercury retrograde all together but swimming against the tide ain’t so easy as just rollin” with it, so here we go.

Two nights ago I had a dream. And this dream will NOT, I repeat will not let me go. It stays with me like that one little hair on my chin. But that’s where tweezers come in. Don’t you just love ascending? Not only does it do the greatest damage to your life, it rips your body apart too. Or it adds something here and there. (word count:111).

But I digress. And y’all know by now that I have a fierce tendency to do that. And someone in particular may not like me drifting and drifting and drifiting… but I can’t help my natural tendencies. It’s almost like breathing. But where were we? The dream. O yes. So yeah.. two nights ago I had this fascinating dream. Now, I’ve had more than a few on this journey but this one was particularly odd.

I’m in some kind of very large basement made up mostly of marble. In the far end is one couch and an old man is sitting on it. There is a little girl close to him and she is waving at me. She wants me to come closer to her. It seems there is something she wants to tell me. The girl and the man, who turns out to be her grandpa, are Japanese. I can’t understand their language but the gramps does talk my language; telepathy.

The girl and gramps talk by pressing their foreheads against each other. Thru this way the girl conveys some information to me, translated by the gramps. Finally she asks me whether I might have some questions. There is none I can think of  but I can feel the girl did pick up on one question I must’ve unconsciously been having as next the gramps says to me:”It’s Ids, it’s Ids, it’s Ids!!!” The question must’ve been, I later figured out:”who is my twin-flame?”

I wake up really confused, thinking:”What does that mean: “It’s Ids, it’s Ids, it’s Ids?!” But not even a minute later my mouth just dropped open while still in bed: horizontally. Imagine that! I do realize I got some explainin’ to do at this point. Cuz I can hear y’all thinkin’:”Who the fuck is Ids??!”

Well, here he is. I actually linked to Ids way back in some old post in regards to Will. Yes. Will. Suspect number two. (word count:444) But I can’t remember what post that is. Maybe there is a very attentive reader who remembers… cuz I don’t. I mean: it’s been close to 600 posts by now. That’s some script! And today, yeah today: I really flipped!

What is the link between Will and Ids? Their eyes kinda look alike. And I guess the girl in the dream gave me a cryptic answer. One that only I would understand. But do I? 

Can’t we just stop this whole game?! It’s gettin sooo old. Chili, Will, Chili, Will… that’s just the way she goes. Yawn.

There is nothing like writing to the sound of music, rain and the songs of many a bird. And that is exactly where I’m at. Heaven. All this after a sweet run and a good fifteen minutes with the trees in the pouring rain. Rain? I love to get wet, so in my mind I said:” Suck it, I’m gonna go for a nature stroll.”

Yesterday was a whole different story. Physically? I was and still am, a basket case. And every attempt I did in the past weeks, to get a lil bit more physically fit, got obstructed. Don’t ask me how, long story; the whole being sequestered thang, kinda gettn’ old. Ok, one example? Yesterday upon waking I felt my body and was all like: “woah missy, this is gonna be the day we’re gonna put an end to this physical pain and start to run again!” I had not so much as finished that thought or my neck started to crack and yep: stiff neck! That whole day I was only capable of staring straight ahead. Now, I’m all for looking someone in the eye but when the doorbell rang and I could not stop staring the neighbour straight in the eye, I realized I had to explain I was in a bit of neck pain.

I digress. Yes, I still do that. So….. what’s up bitches? How’ve y’all been? I’ve missed you! I’ve missed me too. The other day me old man called me on my friends’ phone, like I ordered him too. I wanted something from him. A sweet long stay in his place in Austria. Verdict still up in the air. He asked me:”So, what ya been up to?” Mind you, we don’t talk each day. Not every week either. More like once every few months. So I said to him:” Well dad, I’ve been on my ass on the couch every single day since we last talked.” His reply? “O”.  And (word count:307) may that lil chat be a short but thruthful recap of the last few weeks.

Yes, I’m still at my friends’ place, sleeping on the floor (word count:333) in her livingroom, tho she’s now in Morocco and y’all know how much I love me some good ‘ol me-time so life has been suweet the last week. Except for the physical despair. But as per today,  it seems like life is finally givin’ me some air. You have no idea how much I am welcoming that.

And there I was, walking in the rain amongst the trees. I was soooo happy! I threw my head back, opened my mouth and had a taste of the rain. Never mind the rain is acid as hell here in Dutchy-land. But, by now I’m so used to transmuting; this puppy can handle a good ol drop-pee of acid. Time for a mushroom I say.

I touched a tree and said in my mind:” I’m home!” Yes, I am! I am home here on this planet. Our earth. Our beautiful loving alive sensitive caring mother Earth. The aliens have landed. Cuz me? I’m an alien. I’m from the stars. But no longer is my head up in the clouds. I’ve landed. There is no place I’d rather be, than here on planet Earth amongst the trees.

Now, it’s time to find the right spot. Holland is simply a transit. To collect what was lost. I guess that’s what soul retrieval does. Apple Avenue 73 is my destiny. (word count? 555! time: 6: 37 am)The past few weeks, I had no more hope. No more nothing, really. But miraculously, this morning: hope did manage to find me. I let it be. O yeah.. before I sign off: this morning I watched a movie. The name?

The back-up plan. Man, some scenes cracked me up. By the way: don’t you think J-Lo’s booty ‘s hot? I hope you do; cuz you know; my booty ‘s kinda the size a la miss Lopez. But I digress. I love it actually, when I do that. It’s not bout the size of her ass. Or anyone’s ass, really. It’s about the size of our heart. And mine? Sure does surpass the size o’ me ass! 

My home? Is where-ever I am at. And when you’re with me: that makes for two homes in one. Fun! And this: this is our baby: makes for three!  I’m sooooo happy to be writing again: jippeeeeeee……(word count:711) Let’s just see where it takes me and whether inspiration will keep on hittin’ me; unlike the past week, or three.

It is 5:55 am Dutch time. It is 8:55 pm in BC. Wow wow wow!! I just had the most amazing dream ever!!! I just shook hands with an alien. They landed in their ship on our property and omg, I still can’t believe it, it was sooooooo incredible real and so beautiful and loving. We looked deeply into each others eyes and he showed me where he was from: the pleiadians.

Wow, I’m all (word count:73) e-motional from it. It was a very long and intense dream. I’ll do my best to convey it. I was at the property I grew up as a kid. I look at the sky and am (word count:111) absolutely astounded at what I see. The most amazing colors and shapes (word count:123); all sorts of geometrical shapes and patterns of crop circles in the most amazing colors are morphing into different shapes constantly. It almost looked like stained glass morphin and shaping into new shapes right before my eyes in the sky. My oldest brother noticed it too.

Next (word count:173) a very different space craft comes flying out of the sky and morps into a more earthly yet still very strange vehicle right before it lands. It does so, so it can drive on land. It has one very big front wheel and the whole construction looks very complicated. I want them to come towards me and not leave. I desperately hope I get to talk to them, see them. They stop next to the house (time:9:11 pm) I grew up in and now there is no way round it anymore: my bio family has to acknowledge that there is more between heaven and earth than they previously would believe.

I’m so excited. There is an actual spacecraft in front of me and thru some sort of board outside their craft they are answering questions we have. Before we’ve asked the questions, they have already answered them in writing right before our eyes. I speak with them telepathically and I’m soo incredibly happy. I love the speed with which we communicate. I feel so at home and my heart is jumping from joy. The board is used for the other peeps who have now gathered in front of the space craft.

(word count:378)Everyone is amazed, except me. I’m soooo incredibly happy to see them finally land and actually interact with us. We can’t see them. I really want to see them. (word count:404) I ask where they are from and with a laserbeam arrow they point to the pitch black sky and it shows and lights-up the pleiadians and its coordinates are written in laser right below it. The space craft is now on the road and I’m the one communicating with them. I ask if I can see him. It’s a man with whom I’ve been interacting.

He says he’s not supposed to do so but then he decides against his not very strict orders. The spacecraft has, in the meantime, morped into the road. The road is moving, we have to keep walking in order to stay on the same spot. The alien opens his craft thru the roof, which is easy to acces for me, cuz the roof is now where my feet are. Everyone around me is scared but I’m just sooo excited and happy!

The space craft opens (word count:555) and I look in the most amazing, tiny sweet blue eyes!!! His head looks a little like a small cone and his skin is beige and got brown spots from the top of his head to just above is eyes. He’s got a few more but less big, spots all over his face. He is bald, there is no hair, no eyebrows either. He reaches out his hand. His fingers are very long and there are only four of them. I take his hand in mine and it’s just INCREDIBLE!! We touch and I feel soooooooo at home.

That is when I wake up. I so so so wanted to go home with my friend the alien but I also knew: they’re here with us now!! WOW! This dreams was so incredibly real. I was there. I was right awake within this dream. My god, if only (word count:703) I could convey in words what I saw in the sky, the ‘stain glass’ part, that was absolutely incredible, just incredible! Every possible crop circle came by and every possible geometrical shape too.

I’m blessed, so beyond blessed to have met an alien! TOUCH DOWN…(title: The Aliens Have Arrived)

Dreams. I really really love my dreams. Not only the ones you dream ’bout during the day but mostly the ones I have when I sleep but am awake. And last night? Chili made his re-entry in my dream. It was a strange but lovely dream. Very long too.

I just woke up. And I feel worn out. Unlike yesterday. That’s when I had hardly any sleep and I was ready to go go go from the get go. (time:10:44 pm)Last night I really felt like eating chocolate. Substitute? I dunno. According to my words and what I feel my sweety is with me.

You are sitting at a table with a female friend. You and her are very comfy with each other. I’m in a different room cleaning out a (word count:123) closet. We know we are in close proximity of each other and I’m hoping for you to come my way. I don’t dare to take the first step. Next you are in my room but nothing is really said. I’m not upset I just wish I wasn’t so shy and knew what to say. But I’m also annoyed that we still use speach. We feel each other why do we have to speak? Can’t we just get past that and feel and act on that.

Next you are out in a field. You are to burn something. Your dad is there too. He really looks like you, just a bit older. It’s like he’s encouraging me to step forward to you. But I’m not sure and I wonder why you don’t come to me. In the next scene this lady walks beside me. She tells me:”he’s got his scars too.” (word count: 273)”He’s been thru a lot too.” I can feel that.

Now I’m in a house which is entered thru stairs. The doorbell rings and I have a mask on my face. I open the door and right before I do so I know it’s you. We can’t kiss cuz of the mud mask. But we go and take our clothes off and head into the shower to rinse off my mask. We look at each other. We don’t speak. We feel. While the water is running over our naked bodies. We’re happy. This feels right. It’s all ok, it’s all good. That’s when I wake up.

(word count:379)Yesterday after posting my last post, I was actually thinking:”Why would I still write?” I mean, I really have nothing left to say. Besides, I’m so not inspired. (word count:404)I no longer wanna chat bout spiritual stuff, tho I am, on and off, still into the meta physical stuff, but really: I’m so simple. I just wanna be. Feel good. And enjoy whatever I do. I don’t wanna speak. I want to feel. The world is racing by me and I’m thinkin’:”have we gone mad?!”

It sure is not me. I’m beyond my in-sanity. (word count:473)Have I fully stepped into my divinity? Flatlining in neutrality; zero point. Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. The End. (title: The Shower) Published:11:00 pm.

After a lovely energetic day, I’m now floored with a major headache. I listen to my friend S. with whom I now stay; talk ’bout her day. And I realize how far far away: I’m from that reality. I hear it but I’m not registering it. Even tho my perceived reality ain’t all that joohoo either: I’m beyond blessed not to be working in an office ‘n all that.

Instead: I biked today. Twenty K. It was possible cuz I had a rare good day. I just laid my head to rest and to the surface came my headache stress. No matter how much I do my best (time:10:00 am), no matter how much I let go: I can’t ignore the fact that I really miss BC. And nature. Holland is overwhelming me. There is nature here, but lotsa peeps too. There is never a total silence or a never ending view. I miss the mountains too.

Rivers aren’t clean. It’s always noisy. It’s weighin’ on me. I like a city. For a day or three. Then I need me a tree. (word count:173)I moved away from my family. It was necessary. My body had been screaming for more than a week or three. I didn’t re-act to it. I stayed. Maybe I coulda forced to go to a different place. But I knew I had to face (word count:222) what-ever I had to face in this Amazing Race. I did. And Sunday morning my inner-voice said: “NUFF, you are free!”

Co-incidentally, it was the day my friend S. came to see me. We packed my stuff and I went home with her. She has a tiny place and thus I sleep in the living room on a matrass but I’m beyond blessed to be free of the needy stress I left. I have met yet another angel. I do know I’m beyond supported by the invisibles but I’ve (word count:307) met more than one human angel on this journey too. My friend S. is one of them. Not only does she provide me with a roof over my head, she feeds me too. I do hold my own spoon.

A helicopter is flying over. And I feel my belly. I want to go home. Home to Canada BC. I want to fly home and be with my soul family (word count:373)This morning I got that it’s time to re-unite. Tho I also know I’m not in charge of when, where and how I’m up for my next flight.

***

This morning I went for a walk. I stretched against a bench. I wanted to do some jumps too. But suddenly I look to my right. I see something white. It’s plastic. Square. It reads:7ero. A (time:10:11 am) A condom wrapper. (word count:444) Seriously universe! You have got to be kidding me! Your kinda humor? Ain’t me. This is no longer funny. How can you shove that in my face? I mean; It’s been a year!! Seriously!

Thank God I still know how to ride a bike. Isn’t sex like….riding a bike? You never forget how to….? I dunno. I have no clue. And I seriously wonder: will I ever be back on me horsey? Cuz sleepin’ round randomly I no longer do. Have I ever?

No. I don’t think so…do you?

But (word count:555) honestly? It’s not the sex I miss. It’s the human touch and the intimacy. Even tho I have yet to experience what real intimacy is. So how would I know what I miss? (published:10:23 am)

It is 11:55 pm. I woke up hearing a Coldplay song in my mind. I wasn’t sure of the title of the song but one sentence was repeatedly playin’ in my mind:”nobody said it was easy..” Yeah, tell me bout it! But then I started listening to the song and it started with these lyrics:”come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, you don’t know how lovely you are.”"I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I’ve set you apart..”

“Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, oh let’s go back to the start.” The song makes me cry. The name of the song? The scientist. And it makes me think of (time:12:00 am) Einstein. It also makes me think of last night and how angry I was. Angry that I’m in this race. And how exhausting it really is. Would I sign up for it again? No. Not. In. A. Million. Years.

Well, it might not be necessary again, in a million years. Maybe in 26.000 years, if we’re not gonna make this shift. But we’re already makin’ it. Right now, the first wave is in the middle of it. And it truly is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do. (time:12:03 am) The numbers agree with me.

(draft saved:12:03:23 am)It is nice to wake up hearing a song. Tho the writing still doesn’t flow and last night? I had a little bit of a panic attack. The writing really really doesn’t flow and I thought bout meister Eckhart. And how he says he can’t write over here. Germany, Holland: the energy is compatible. And I can’t write (word count:273) here either. The well is dry. This energy truly doesn’t support it. And it’s killing me. Without inspiration? I’m a living dead.

That is actually what most of the past four weeks have felt like to me. I’m sorry; but I’m not gonna lie. It’s true. I really don’t like it here. I’m not gonna deny what I feel. You can say all you want bout “all that is now is perfect’, but all that is now isn’t perfect. O sure, I understand that it totally is, as everything is perfect, it always is, but I’m not going to deny the feelings inside of me. (word count:376) For if I do: I will really become sick. Ill, like the rest of the world.

And now that we’re at it, lemme throw it all out. What I really wanna say is;”I fucking hate it here, I hate it here, I hate it here!” And don’t you say you never have those thoughts or maybe even say it out loud when you think no one hears you or is watching. Someone always is. You! And you are a god.

And the worst of all is, I know exactly why I’m here. O yes, yesterday I had another bout of clarity, hit me. I’ve seen the bigger pic. I’m here to activate a shitload of the second wave. Still doesn’t make it easy and it still does not make me like my job. Joyful Opportunity to Be? Scrap Joyful, cuz that left me the minute I was thrown out of the country. Correction: threw myself outta the country. Cuz yes, I am re-sponsible for my life.

(time:12:12 am)Fortunately; I had another little bite-size of clarity hit me yesterday. It was a bite that was nutritious, not fat or high in carbs. It was pure nutrion. My contract is fully served. Yes! I’m done. This last little bit, that was written in those tiny little letters at the end of the doc, easy to be missed? That was this shit. Family bizz. Did I enjoy it?

Nope. Not one bit. Did the fam like it? Time will tell. They sure as hell seem to be convinced that I’m crazy. It will only be a matter of time that they too will see, that I’m? Better Now. Totally and utterly: in-sane!

(word count:660)The song? Made my day, cuz I know it came from you. Hoping I really no longer do. (time:12:21 am published:12:34, I must’ve been on a roll..) Name of the piece: The Scientist. Yeah, I’m tired so I thought I’d just copy/paste it.

I felt like I had to go back to sleep cuz another dream wanted to be born thru me. And that is what I did. It was a long dream. (time:3:33 am) But very fascinating. It had to do with the Olympics, an underground movement, people coming up to me sayin’ that they fully support me yet they would not come out on this fact in their every day lives, a very mean man who worked for the Olympics and who picked on me and then there was a symbol in my dream.

Yes (word count:73), in the dream a symbol was given to me. Right after the meaning of the symbol was explained to me, I woke up. (time:3:37 am) The symbol looked somewhat like the symbol the Artist Formerly Known As Prince uses or used. Can you picture it? Now that I’m writing about it, I guess (word count:144) he used that symbol co-inciding with naming himself the Symbol.

Let me google. O my; the symbol I saw in my dream was exactly like Prince’s symbol! And I just you tubed the Symbol and the first song which came up? Seven! And right now I’m listening to it. The first few sentences? “I am yours now and you are mine, together we’ll love through all space and time, so don’t cry.”

That is just beautiful! (word count:222!) You know why? Before going to back to sleep to get this dream out, I was (word count:234) wondering why the writing just doesn’t feel smooth anymore, why I’m just not inspired and how that sucks cuz not being inspired is like living and constantly needing to be on oxygen. Also, I was wondering why my mate comes thru less and less, or maybe I’m just too obsessed? I get no! He comes thru less and less cuz we really are attached. We are One. Fuuuuun!

(word count?307!) It is too hot outside. I don’t mind hotness but not when there is no water near. And that is another reason why I really can’t stand it here. (word count:333)I have to be close to water, mountains and nature. Or be close to peeps who are like me. Like minds. Like yesterday. In those moments it was ok not being close to water. (draft saved:3:51:11 am) We were sitting in front of a big oak tree. Made me happpeeee.

Am extremely water retained today. It’s the hotness but also the fact that my mom comes back. My body is already building its protection suit. It is sooo uncomfortable. O, I’m gettin’ a message thru. “It wont be long babe!” It won’t be long? Or did you mean, you won’t be long? Ah ok, that (word count:444) is what you meant. But babe, I’m sorry to say, but how many times have I heard that before? How many times have I heard the word ‘soooon’? When we’re able to fly ourselves to the moon?

Right now, this will be the only time I’ll say:”I’ll believe it when I see it.” See ya later oscillator! You know what the oscillator says back to me? “Ciao Ciao meow!” On a pssssst note, this is what I found, what the symbol means: The symbol is a mix between the traditional male and female symbols along with and an alchemy/soapstone symbol.

Alchemy is the ancient art of turning base metals into pure gold (which is, of course, impossible according to modern science). For thousands of years rulers were always interested in being able to manufacture pure gold from everyday materials and would go to crazy lengths to try and find its secrets. Who-ever owns the gold makes the rules so they say.

However alchemy is also seen as a spiritual journey. As alchemists embark on a life long task of trying to do something that is seemingly impossible, it is also a metaphor for turning oneself, your inner soul, into “gold”. Hence the term “alchemy” has become synonomous with change/inspiration/growth etc. It’s interesting that there are a lot of references to “gold” and “alchemy” in Prince’s 90s work – 3 Chains ‘O’ Gold, Goldnigga, The Gold Experience “…until the stud in your mouth turns gold” (Mad Sex), “… the alchemy occured most in the Muse” (The Rainbow Children).

I don’t remember in detail what the explanation given to me in the dream re; the symbol was. I do know it had to do with sugar and being free like a Dove. I can tell you this: I ain’t no more on sugar. I still have my moments when I eat a lot but no more sugar and that? Is hot! Does is mean my sweety is really (word count:777) with me?

On another pssssst note: you have no idea how desperately I want to pull the plug on this story! Cuz that means?? I’m FREEEEE; physically! In my mind: I am! Damn! Hurry my man…

Holy Starseed collision! Wow! Me and P.? Two of a kind. Seeded Stars. (draft saved:11:54:37 am) What a breath of fresh air to be with someone who reads energy. Who feels. Who is free. Who lives her life according to herself and not according to her family, friends or society! It’s been three years since we last saw each other.

Three years filled with lots. She got divorced. Went thru a lot besides that. Me? I’ve had my own journey. We took off right where we left. We laughed. We cried. We had a drink. We ate. We were free. We were the two bouncing balls we are and used to be. Tho, something was slightly different. A peace. An all knowing, an awakening. The insecurity we once let ourselves rule by? Gone. We know who we are. Fully. (word count:137)

I’ve lived quite a solitary life (word count:144) for the past year and a half. She? Lived her life to the fullest. But we’ve both looked into every corner of our soul. (time:12:00 pm)There’s a depth when I look into her eyes, a depth I don’t see every day. I depth I recognize. The recognition is that of seeing my journey reflected in her eyes. I know where’s she been. I know how tough it’s been. I know we’re almost there. She’s battle weary, just like me. But (time:12:03 pm) this afternoon? We were all smiley. And funny.

(word count:237) Banging our heads to the beats of the music in her car, windows open, feeling the wind in our hair, singing along at the top of our longs. Feeling life in every fiber of our being. We know how to live. Fully. Right now. No worries what you think of me. Or you. Or my family. Let alone the rest of society. Freedom is to live and let live. Joyfully. Straight from the heart.

For six hours I got to experience what life is like to be with a like mind. To be with a peep who is free. Who understands me. Whom I understand.(word count:333) For six hours I was in heaven. And when I got home I got a little dessert; my mom will stay away for one more day! Holy! The man with the big beard must’ve (word count:373) heard my plea. It came from the bottom of my soul:”PLEASE, let me be, let me be alone for a few more days, I need to feel me, hear me, and recharge my energy!” I got what I asked for.

These days? I’m not hard to satisfy. I’ve never been. It might sound harsh, but really; the day I’m moving away from living here with my family: I will really totally and forever be FREE. And that my dear readers; can not come one day too soon! Cuz the moment you’re reminded how to breathe without constantly needing oxygen? Is orgasmic! (published:12:22 pm)