I make a tea. I pee. I hurry, into the cellar. Suddenly; after seven days; there seems to be a new trace, of words wanting to be born. For days I have been physically bloated like a pregnant goat ready to give birth.
***
It is 9 am, February fourth 2010. The Olympic Torch Relay is passing the house I live in. From behind the window, still in my jammies, I see the Olympic Torch and its big caravan of commerce passing by. I cry. I cry and I don’t know why. Or do I ?
***
“I’ve been called to kick you out!” says the man who’s been providing me with this free place to stay for a few months now. I look at him. My cheeks expose an ever increasing color of red. That’s what I do when there is a lot going on in me. ” I understand, I really do” I reply. A few more words are exchanged with him having the last word. ” Let’s have a chat in a few more days, to see ‘where’ you’re at” he says. He knows I have no money, no place to go and fully live according to my heart. My ‘challenge’ isn’t his. This is mine to deal with.
***
Today, February 7 2 pm. I go out for a hike. I walk past the river and notice how low its water level is. The smell of dead salmon is overwhelmingly gross. I ignore it because I love this route. I love to be surrounded by the trees. I love hearing the sound of the river flowing by. I love seeing the bald eagles, geese and all other wild life while amongst the trees. I love the magnificent views of the mountains I’m surrounded by.
Unexpectedly I pass a horse riding arena in the middle of nature. Three obstacles are set up in the middle of it. I seat myself on the small wet wooden stands next to the arena. I’m tired. My lower back hurts. I’m empty.
“Should I call my parents to pay for a ticket to have me come back to Holland?” Thinking those words literally hurt around my heart area. It seems all the roads are closing in on me. “Have I run out of luck? Is this it? Has the pool of miracles dried up? Should I give up?” I bet my family would not pay for a ticket anyway. I can hear them think:”You’ve placed yourself in this situation, now you get yourself out of it too!” T doesn’t feel ‘right’ to call ‘em anyway.
Holland is where I grew up, but Canada is where I belong. Never have I felt it as strong, as today. Going back, even doing so in my mind, feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.
My hands are holding my head while my elbows press into the skin just above my knees while I sit on that wet wooden bench. To avoid getting wet and cold I sit on my mint green cotton mittens. I stare at the mountains. I look at the obstacles in the horse riding arena. God I miss my horse. I miss her so much right now. She was such a good listener.
The pleasant silence is interrupted by a helicopter flying over heading north towards Whistler.
***
Five days until the Olympics officially start. This morning I watched a documentary of Holland’s best speedskater, Sven Kramer . The best part of the doc was near the end. The interviewer asks him where does he ‘get ‘it’ from’? Instinctively Sven touches his heart and says:” The heart, it’s in the heart.” I smile. My heart skips a beat. Sven might not consciously know that gesture held more truth than all the words you and I can say.
***
I’m excited for the Olympics . I really am. Did I really just utter those words? I guess I did…
I’m writing this piece, with my glasses on.
It’s been a very long;
time, since I last wore them.
I have a feeling this is the last time; my eyes need some sort of adjustment. (time: 12:21)
***
Does it matter to know ships as big as our planet earth ;
birth, through a blackhole in our sun?
Would you have more fun;
knowing that our earth-play-showing;
is moving from duality to One?
Would you be more at ease;
if you please;
someone other than yourself?
Otherwise you’d be overwhelmed;
with guilt?
Does it matter to know everything, about science and spirituality?
For me;
it’s fun to know, especially;
sacred geometry .(word count: 111)
***
Does my ’story’ matter?
Even though writing it out live really made me feel better?
Does it matter;
how you perceive me?
Do I care, now that I’m liberated from my ‘old story’?
Does it matter my old skin, like a snake, is still shedding?
Am I amazed I have left no fearful brain chatter?
Do I need to know all answers to the questions I have? (time: 12:30)
Was I scared this morning to open an e-mail from my real-estate agent;
who said the bank wants to sell my house in Holland at a public auction?
Am I amazed you might not understand there is only now? (time: 12:34)
Do I get mad you might look at me like I’m some crazy cow?
Does it really matter to know everything…?
***
No.
***
No, it doesn’t matter.
You know why?
We have our own ‘black hole’; it’s our portal to the sun.
In it exists only ultimate joy and fun!
All questions and answers are here bright and clear.
But it doesn’t matter!
Life is soo much better;
right Now!
Peace.
No one; is right or wrong!
***
Do you really need to know I’m being spun;
amazingly fast now?
This ascension centrifuge thing;
is ‘tearing off’ every-thing;
that does not belong;
to a sun.
Do you need to know that physically it ain’t that much fun?!
Let alone emotionally;
it has been;
a hell of a ride?!
***
Do you really want to know, about my new beginning? (wordcount: 333)
One that will make me sing?
I might have a ‘fling’?
***
Nothing matters, yet every-thing!
The portal that I’m in;
has all the answers you can possibly imagine!
***
Time: 12:44.
There is only one ‘place’ I truly adore!
Would you like to know my secret?
It’s free, you don’t need to pay any-thing!
I’m literally swimming in;
possibility!
Do you really want me;
to tell thee..?
***
Just BE.
In the Now, somehow;
exists All and Nothing!
***
I’ve just taken my glasses off.
***
In the house that I live; are two kids.
One is twelve the other is ten.
The youngest just got home; suspended from his school ‘dome’.
I told him how I always ended up in the principals’ office;
because I could never shut up.
I was a big chatter-box.
I told the ten year old boy;
I was just really afraid; of everything I felt.
I was in a constant state of being overwhelmed.
Nothing made sense to me.
***
The kid glanced up at me, looking me in the eye.
I said to him:” I might look differently, no longer like that little kid;
but trust me, it’s still within!”
You know what my secret is?
I just re-act differently.
He looks again.
I say to him:” Feelings aren’t scary, they are actually;
beautiful!”
“Everyday I’m learning to live with them; but they no longer make me say: damn!”
“I embrace em, even the bad ones.”
***
He looks at me again, with a subdued look.
He had been silent since he came home.
Slowly he is coming out of his shell.
My heart just wants to yell;
I love that little kid;
I was exactly like it, but no longer do I ‘hate’ my inner-flick.
My past story, is his-story.
That is how we connect.
We are all One.
***
If one person wakes-up and has had enough;
of this play of separation;
without hesitation;
they will follow their heart!
The heart knows but One thing:
LOVE!
***
It doesn’t matter whether the kid understood my words.
I know his heart felt mine.
Words aren’t necessary for you and me.
I coulda just sat with him to re-ignite his sun within.
Because mine?
Is breaking through the clouds.
It wants to handout;
something that is free for you and me!!
All we need do is to ’see’;
our own magnificent Divine beauty!
It is very easy to get caught up and entangled in the current Olympic vibe that this whole town rides.
A few times;
I caught myself riding that wave too.
Even though it was only in my mind.
***
The power of the media.
It reaches far.
The power of marketing; it carries out what came about;
in a few brains after some thinking strain.
How can we gain; the most?
***
Mind you; in my mind ‘gaining’ has no connection with money, profit, exposure or fame.
Those terms are ancient and lame.
What a shame;
most people don’t know why and what the authentic purpose of the Olympics is.
It seems the Olympic beast has run astray;
from its original DNA. (word count: 123)
***
Venus.
Planet Venus.
It has been brought to my attention that the Olympics co-incide with the cycles of our planet Venus.
Venus is the only main planet named after a Goddess. (time: 12.03)
Not only does Venus have to do with ’sexi-ness’;
love, grace and beauty were also the traits the Greek Goddess Aphrodite embodied.
Yesterday I peeked into the book the Da Vinci Code.
Intuitively I am drawn to whatever needs to be exposed;
to my eyes.
Last week I finished Angels and Demons and even though I have seen the movie The Da Vinci code;
I knew I had to expose my eyes, to the book.
***
Synchronicity strikes again.
In the harbour of the town I live in; is docked a major cruise ship; housing staff for the Olympics.
The name of the ship: The Mona Lisa.
***
But what does that matter? (time: 12:12)
And how does it fit in, with a story that already has had an ending glory?
Y’all know, I have no dough.
Two days ago; I was ready to run away from this town.
The Olympic movement still makes me frown.
But… would I have been able to run; something tells me I might miss out on some fun…
History keeps repeating itself; if we remain under the spell;
of karma.
Karma is being created by being re-active to your e-motions.
What did I do, in 2002?
I ran away from the Olympics.
***
I still don’t vibrate well with the movement called the Olympics.
In fact; the gap;
only seems to have widened.
I don’t dislike the Olympics, it’s just that I thrive better with peeps, situations and explanations;
which are energetically aligned with its original intent.
Judging I don’t do, discerning is what I have gotten used to.
My discerning power is yearning to get away;
from all the Olympics have to say.
Yet I’m being kept at bay from running away.
Because the movement has got something to say;
to me? (wordcount: 444)
***
Venus and me; in my astrology;
we have a stellar relationship. (time: 12:21)
I came equipped with a lot of Venus in it.
***
No longer am I looking for a mate.
Within, the male and female polarities have merged.
The gap is what urged;
the search.
It is remarkable how I feel, since The end . (time: 12.30)
I literally have little to no desire to write.
I am fine.
Yet this inner-voice of mine;
tells me that if I want to ‘fine-dine’;
I’d better stick for a bit more to this rhyme.
***
The detective in me; can’t help but see, because it comes naturally;
the connection between the timing of me picking up the book The DaVinci Code;
and the discovery there is this major boat;
in the harbour of our town, called the Mona Lisa.
It woulda been different if it was called the Tower of Pisa.
***
Italy and New York.
Those two entities keep popping up.
Still hasn’t stopped. (time: 12:34)
I wonder what will come up?
***
This piece, well hopefully that vagueness of it will cease;
in a few weeks.
I’d be more than pleased;
to announce;
that in The end;
was also a new beginning.
***
The original intent of the Olympics?
Becoming vigorous and connected!
I could’ve suspect it; being the detective… (time of this piece published: 1.23 pm)
***
ps. the above song? A Dutch band
Time: 12.03 pm.
Man, I’m on roll; 123…
Today, so much clarity!
Something I wasn’t able to see previously;
is now Crystal Clear to me!
***
The butterfly will come to me, when I am .
My very first post; it almost felt like it was written by a ghost.
It flowed right out of me.
Now I finally totally and fully see;
who the butterfly is;
I have been ’waiting’ for.
I had to grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally;
so understandably;
now that the light has fully grounded in my roots;
and gave my whole past story the boots;
I can see clearly!
***
The fog is gone, the yearning too.
My heart who was calling out to you?
I get it now; Joohoo!
***
This week on the cover of Oprah magazine: (wordcount: 123)
How to come into your own.
Well, I’ve got a story for you!
I’ve been writing it all year;
while living it simultaneously.
That really is multi-dimensionality.
***
Have I ever really seen the true beauty of a butterfly?
Now, I can almost cry…
I had to learn how to fly.
Spread my wings. (time: 12:12)
‘Chase’ after flings; ‘do’ ridiculous things.
Just because my inner-fling;
told me so!
A few times I said “No, I can’t possibly do this?!”
But I did it any way;
because I knew it would have something to say;
to me.
Allowing me to be-come more and more free.
***
Surprisingly;
the butterfly is not you , you or you !
Even though I have been given and following one after the other clue.
You were all little pieces of me;
that needed to be set free.
***
But who is the twin-flame who I have been searching for, a year long?
who is he?
Guess what?!
The butterfly I was waiting for;
is none other than: ME!!
***
Now I finally understand the phrase;
Can’t you see, can’t you see?!
It is right in front of thee?!!
My writing and all I see?
Is me!
True multi-dimensionality.(time: 12:21)
Yesterday was the best day;
of my life.
Ironically, it didn’t feel that way.
It actually felt like the opposite; but because be-ing the observer sticks;
I knew; this is it!
And then you wake-up; even though all puffed;
and you know:”wow, I plowed, through that!”
It was sticky, it was arousing, it was interesting, it was fascinating it was hot.
The best thing of it all;
it is the catapult to my plot.
I do not;
regret; that last night I was aware of be-ing upset;
and re-act to that.
***
Everyone re-acts differently.
Me?
I don’t eat or I eat a lot.
The latter is what was the matter.
And it was ok, it still is and it will always be.
This ’root’ release; didn’t come with ease.
And that is ok too.
***
Something that is part of your roots;
you don’t just kick out with steel-boots.
It is sticky, it is fascinating and it keeps coming back;
until you no longer re-act.
***
I did re-act, because I knew I had too.
To get to the bottom of it.
And I did.
And I did feel like shit; but I also liked it.
Because I knew;
this is it!
***
The moon and me?
we share our cycle.
And I love it. (time:11:11)
It seems like the more intune I am with myself;
the more intune I am with nature.
I love be-ing a co-creator.
***
Full moon tonight.
Hopefully tonight the sky will allow me to see its light.
***
I feel blessed to be able to see;
beyond what we perceive physically.
What you portrayed to me;
is a reflection of what I thought of myself.
That part of me is released and no longer pleased;
with that non-authentic piece.
Now I feel nothing but;
peace!
Money and sex.
Those are the two tools which are used the most in power conflicts.
Oddly enough;
the two things I am most ‘deprived’ off.
Could it be; this has been ’staged’ for me;
so I can feel and see;
how free;
I am without?
***
Ascending really is being taken apart;
and then being re-assembled according to the heart;
in perfect unison with the mind.
I am in the last stages of the re-assembling part right now.
How do I know?
After a year of releasing all past beliefs and fear;
my inner-being has made it clear;
‘time’ is near!
***
Through this journey I have learned;
I do not have to give in, to this power thing!
When you stick to your heart;
it attracts, like a magnet;
miracles!
***
Now that I’m be-ing re-assembled and put together like a new human ;
my energy is coming back.
I used to have a Lot of that;
before the brutal ascension-attack.
Twice this week; I went for a run ;
but yesterday, the second time; I didn’t have as much fun.
It felt like dis-respect to my friends the trees;
to run past them with such ease.
Instead of running it turned into a walk;
instantly it be-came easier to hear the trees talk.
I said:
“I’m sorry, it was just so rad to have my energy coming back!” (wordcount: 222)
***
Balance.
It comes easy once you listen to your heart in all you do!
The amount of running I used to do?
that will never again be like it used to.
Now I ‘do’, when I feel like doing so.
Not because I should or to put on a show.
Dancing?
I can do that everyday;
it feels like play!
***
Money and Sex…
I know I will have it back.
I attract;
through the love in my heart;
my life will reflect;
exactly that!
It’s going to be RAD!
***
I am going to finish the book Angels and Demons today.
A lot of clues in this book are coming my way.
All I can say;
this ’story’-play;
is getting more and more fascinating by the day.
I wonder;
what is coming my way?!
***
Karma.
You create your own.
Once you own; the way you re-act;
to your e-motions;
there will be less and less;
karma left.
Karma is theft;
from you authentic act!
While on my walk, the trees gave me another down lo;
with light info.
Here we go.
***
Wouldn’t it be great;
if this flick, would do the trick;
of uniting all possible perceived opposites?
***
What if that is the purpose of this movie?
How groovy;
would that be?!
***
I mean, what if this man I met ;
is gonna be key;
in re-alizing this movie?
It doesn’t matter he goes to church;
when we met, we made a connect;
thru the heart!
***
What the mind tells you to believe;
has caused nothing but grief;
in our world.
What if this writing came to birth;
because it’s meant to re-unite;
all who were taken by their mind on a fear-flight? (wordcount: 123)
***
In physicality it might look like we have nothing in common .
But my mind can summon;
up a whole lot; which will surely undermine the plot;
of my last piece .
I know by now that self-complacency doesn’t suit me.
***
The Universe works in mysterious ways.
My writing grace;
is trying to make sense of this maze.
It comes from the purest place;
in my being.
Its ’see-ing’; isn’t polluted with fear.
Its sight is Crystal Clear .
***
Tennis.
Tennis is the one sport I can miss.
I don’t know why that is.
Maybe it is;
because you can play it;
without having to compete?
***
I wish my right shoulder was freed;
from this excruciating pain.
It’s been giving me pain for two weeks straight now.
Somehow; it doesn’t feel like it’s my pain .
What’s there to gain;
in this little paragraph?
My writing staff; previously referred to as they;
say:
it’s one of the keys in this apple-story.
***
Those twin-bro’s of mine, have taught me;
when they are separated they can feel each others pain.
I know?! Totally IN-sane!
***
Last friday night; I felt a whole lotta fright.
I wanted to re-unite, with the light.
But this time it was odd.
As opposed to the other ‘off’ times;
these misery feelings did not feel like mine.
Was I feeling the pain of my other half?
***
I don’t know what it’s like to be part of a twin;
but am I starting to begin;
to feel what it’s like?
***
When the energy is intense;
I am the biggest friends, with that thing within.
Could this be the last writing -marathon I’m in?!
***
In my bank-account is the amount of 19.84 left.
In ‘84 I turned seven, not eleven.
Though the latter;
is the number for something new to begin.
Just like the number of the house I live in.
38738 adds up to eleven.(wordcount: 440) (2+9=11)
By the front door sits a pot with a card that reads:
“Plant your dreams!”
It seems;
that through writing I have been watering my dreams just enough;
so they can pop;
just when I think I should stop;
to write in rhyme.
Have I been crazy to think with that heart of mine all this time??!
When in-spiration hits; I feel this enormous sense of urgency.
No longer is there fear of you thinking I might be crazy.
There is no-thing more important to me;
then to get these words out, they want to be free!
When in this mode;
it’s almost like I’m ready to explode.
When inspiration fades, I literally implode.
I’m on a different planet, when in-spiration hits.
I can’t help it;
nor do I want to run away from this shit.
It is be-coming a very good flick.
Even though I do not know the end/beginning of it!
***
There are a million possibilities out there.
If I’m in despair; I’m sure I’ll ‘pick’ the ‘wrong’ one.
His-story shows you that ain’t fun !
What I do is I attune;
to my heart.
I listen carefully, whether it wants to run;
or come;
peacefully closer to you!
***
Frequently I do;
this attuning which I’ve gotten so used to;
when lying on my bed.
Eyes closed; I expose;
a picture of you, you and you in my minds’ eye.
Does it make me fly?
Or does it make me cry?
How does my body re-act?
Do I want to have sex?
Or is this feeling that your picture attracts;
an e-motion that still has the need for a love potion?
***
Attraction is an e-motion.
It is not good or bad.
But Love, Love Just Is.
Attraction can easily be confused with real bliss. (time: 12:02)
A very dear friend of mine pointed out that a twin-flame can easily be overlooked because of this.
Attraction and karma are intertwined.
***
Is it you that over-looked me?
Or is it me, that over-looked you?
Or maybe; I wasn’t ready; where you have been holding steady;
for quite some time.?
I will have to close my eyes;
and feel what rings true to me.
***
Often times when I write;
I listen to music.
When it stops; it’s almost like my inspiration frequency drops;
a bit.
I know there is a science behind this.
***
Are you really smart?
Do you have all the answers to my questions?
Are you the science to my spirituality?
Are you in a different world; when surrounded by nature on this earth?(time: 12:12)
Apparently, my twin-flame is like me.
Ofcourse we look differently;
but our hearts are in perfect symmetry and harmony!
***
Science is giving me the language;
my heart knows naturally.
But because I am me;
and besides lucky, why, is my middle name;
I claim this ‘proof’;
as something that might be the key;
to set our twin-flame love free.
***
I do know why I write.
But I do not know why these words are being put in the online spot-light?
At the time I just knew;
this I gotta do.
Are these words solely meant for you??
Or what if a clue for me, is also a clue for you?
Where will we intersect, my ’suspect’?!
***
Am I blogging because when I write I enlight myself;
but not only that;
my vision comes alive right in front of my eyes;
and so in my head I phase-lock my dream;
an with that;
my dreams come true?
The sharper and clearer the hologram in my mind; (last draft saved: 21:21)
the more kind;
I am to myself and that special someone else?
Am I blogging because your vision might be just like the one of me?
***
My vision is so clear already;
does it mean my dreams are about to be ready;
to manifest?
It’s like I said;
yesterday:
As within, so without!
Without a single drop of doubt!
***
You must be a master in manifesting and how it works;
because in my minds’ eye, the answer to a previous question came flying by.
You are the master of me when it comes to the science of spirituality.
I can see, that clearly.
Me?
I’m just very love-ly.
***
Why are most of the famous historical painters;
male?
Is it because their brains are more apt;
to understand sacred geometry?
Females are like circles.
Males are the octahedron; maybe now is time to play the card;
of the dumb;
blonde..
I feel I’ve figured out, the story of Adam and Eve;
and why apple is key…
But I will not fall prey to self-complacency…
With every answer I discover, three new questions seem to pop.
It never seems to stop.
When is it gonna be enough?
When can I drop;
this story?
Or will it not be done;
until the other perfect whole, like the yang to my yin;
has come in;
to my life?
***
There are NO co-incidences in life!
Apple is the key to this story
Why is my name Apple?
Why does seeing a hologram of a photon remind me of an apple?
Not only that, where does the holy grail fit into this picture?
I am ‘obsessed’ right now with the science behind spirituality.
It is giving me;
a lot of answers, but I can’t put it together quite yet.
I suspect;
it’ll happen when I least expect.
***
Sacred geometry.
You and me;
are sacred geometry.
Last night I had a dream; that you were watching me.
It was in symbology;
Though I don’t know who you is.
But this miss;
suspects; you’ve read most of what I’ve written.
I know you can tell very well;
‘where’ I am at; in regards to mastering me .
And how close I am to figuring out this story.
***
Maybe;
I am on to you, but my writing does not allow me to;
expose this…
Now it’s really starting to sound like a detective.
***
The principal of fractality is becoming self similar.
As within, so without.
If there is harmony within, there is harmony without.
That is why authenticity is the healthiest thing not only for me;
but also for you, to ‘do’.
Without giving another scientific clue;
listening to yourself is smartest thing you could ever do!
Your heart caries your DNA and it is being made everyday.
If you think too much you lead yourself astray;
from your authentic DNA.
The ’strings’ become stressed;
that is how we become obsessed;
with medicine and all that mess.
Medicine we don’t need; turn that greed;
into listening to your inner feed!
With amazing speed;
you can recover issues without needing tons of tissues.
***
Apple was the key in the history of The Da Vinci Code.
I keep coming back to art.
If my heart is so smart;
to bringing me here in this town;
it should be equally smart to let these words appear;
to clear up;
some more stuff;
I am seriously wondering about.
***
The Universe is a system.
All is perfectly imperfect systemized.
***
Nature and Art.
Both come from the heart.
The heart has the strongest magnetic field in the whole of your being.
What am I not seeing?
Even if I were to do nothing;
it would automatically lead me;
to my twin-flame.
This is where surrender comes in.
All that I’ve felt within;
is now being brought to me;
in scientific proof.
***
How many times have I not said:
Balance is where East meets West;
Black meets White;
Spirituality meets Science?
My reliance;
on myself, indirectly is relying on someone else.
We are connected, you might not suspect it;
but we are.
If you are my other half;
you must feel, that it’s about time;
to re-unite.
Cuz I can feel; the magnetic pull in my heart very strongly now.
I’ve stopped wondering how;
it’s all gonna come to pass.
That is not up to me;
the only thing I need to ‘do’, is to BE and thus I am free.
***
As a child I used to be fascinated by a certain painting of Mondrian.
It touched me; was it its simplicity?
Now I know: sacred geometry!
***
Why is it, that art and nature are so closely related?
While I’m drinking a hot cup of chinese chrysan themum tea;
I can’t believe how much energy that that run of me;
set free.
I feel soo incredibly blessed and thankful at the moment.
Forever would I like to be;
in this ’space’.
I love where surrender takes me.
I’m writing while singing along to one after the other great song.
This is me;
doing what I love and so incredibly happy!
***
This ‘happy’ feels different though;
it’s not the happy-feel you feel after an extreme low;
it’s not that kinda high.
It feels ‘in control’.
Come to think of it:
My ’story’ seems to be about;
going from wanting to be in control; then realizing you have to let go;
next comes surrender and from there on you bring yourself back to BE-ing;
in control; but this time going with the flow;
of my heart.
No more;
doing what I think I should or could.
***
While crossing the street after being with the trees;
while on my run;
I saw something in the sky;
that made my heart fly!
An airplane.
Airports and airplanes make me happy; instantly.
It is because they stand for travel .
I’m a sags; I love to explore!
Not only my mind;
I can’t wait to explore and find;
treasures all around the globe.
It would be dope, to travel in my fave car;
but when that no longer takes us far;
I love to hop on a plane;
to play this exploring game;
from my mind into the ‘real world’.
***
I’ve asked for a passion that I can do anywhere in the world.
Travelling, painting , music, movie-making and writing will do!
My heart is calling out to you;
is your vision the same?
Then maybe, you could be my twin-flame!
***
I really feel like I’m in the last stages of this journey.
They call it ascending, but really;
our light is descending into our body.
The last one to be reached is the root-chakra.
I know how this might sound;
but while running I could feel my uterus.
It was aching a little bit.
Didn’t consider it as shit.
I know it;
is adjusting to the light, that is taking a dive;
from ‘above’.
This light is grounding me enough;
to “re-enter’ into society.
Though I was never not a part of it;
we are One.
My life might look different to you;
but really;
in this movie?
We are all in it together, forever!
***
I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the next few weeks.
It doesn’t matter.
Right now;
is what makes things better!
***
The princess in me;
loves luxury.
Before going to South- Central America and Africa;
I’d have me a pedi and a wax done;
so I don’t need to ‘worry’ bout that while having fun in the sun!
My hair?
Haven’t had a haircut in almost two years now.
I love how long it gets;
and how my curls after every restraining ponytail naturally bounce back!
Just like me;
I love my resiliency.
Pfffff, that was quite the week.
The peeps; who trigger you the most ;
got the biggest gifts for you!
Boy, do I know!
***
My doubt was triggered.
Why am I in ‘it’, this journey?
Once you make the choice to listen to within, to your heart;
there is no way back.
Never.
And if you try to?
Oooooh, that’s when life get’s really tough and rough.
***
Two words have been key for me;
surrender and be-ing the observer.
I observe myself and all that is around me.
Many times it makes me laugh out loud.
It’s not me that is crazy; the whole world seems to have gone mad.
No longer does that make me sad.
Everything is in perfect order, it always is.
Each and everyone has chosen to wake up to their inner-bliss;
exactly when it is;
their time to stop to whine.
***
Being awake or asleep?
None is better than the other.
I do know what feels better; even though in my life is still a ‘lack’ of physical matter;
I would not trade this journey for anything!
There is so much to ‘win’!
Layers and layers have been peeled;
many a times have I kneeled.
The more layers were healed;
the more I changed from being carbon based to Crystalline.
The physical symptoms have been brutal, not fine.
For months I did not have the urge nor energy to go for a run.
I went for slow nature walks, so much fun!
***
There is one thing I mentioned to my ‘date’:
“When you are running away from something, you are always running towards something as well!”
I no longer run away from myself.
I no longer have the need to run to someone else.
But I am going for a run today.
This is the first day; it will feel again as Play !
***
No more looking back.
Full speed ahead.
Life is rad!
To enlighten is to lighten up.
That happens once we stop; to re-act;
to the past.
I act, from love.
Love is now, Love is everywhere, Love IS.
Right here, right Now!
***
Last night I had a dream.
For the nineth time;
in it was that childhood friend of mine.
His name is E.
In february I could sense, instead of despising me, he ‘liked’ me.
The Olympics are coming up.
I know he’s gonna make a stop;
to compete in our Olympic plot.
I wonder, what’s up;
with the timing of this rhyming;
and the Olympics coming up ?
I started to write a year ago in February.
Whatever will happen ‘to’ me;
dreams are in symbology and…
I surrender, I surrender to what Is.
Mwauh; Kiss!
Why have I been hiding behind what they
and make it look like it’s someone other than me;
who is writing to thee?
For the past week;
I had to seek;
within.
Today came my friend to speak;
to say to me:
“I have a message for thee!”
“Own it!”
***
I thought it was funny but true.
As I had been walking my walk amongst the trees this week;
I had come to see;
the same thing.
Why do I shy away;
from fully saying:
THIS IS ME;
Perfectly imperfect!
***
It started out by writing the words my Self, separately .
But that is not Unity.
I pulled the two together; Unity is the same as forever.
Then they came along.
But I knew, they are me.
Why was I separating me;
from them ?
A split-personality is not who I am.
My mind might at times believe in duality;
I don’t.
We are cloned;
we are gods made manifest in flesh.
No longer do I need to be giving thee ;
credit for what really is me.
Why would I be;
afraid of owning my power?
***
Was I keeping myself small, because I am afraid to really stand tall?
Was there still a little voice in me;
that said to go down on me knee;
so nobody can see;
that bright light in me? (wordcount: 222)
***
After a harsh week, in which I had one after the other release;
triggered by a date with this man ;
I can;
honestly say;
he was there to guide me through;
the release of my father and abuser issue.
I had to see, there was still some anger in me;
that my daddy;
doesn’t ’see’ me.
He won’t until I fully see myself.
And stop giving my power away to someone else.
Even to them.
No longer will I hide.
but show my pride;
It’s my inner-light!
That, is why I write .
Not only to show my vulnerable side;
but to show how I grow into my own light.
***
“The one thing we are most scared of is succes.”
Was one of the lines of my date.
I love you, because it is you that made me see;
the doubt that was still in me;
wanted to come out.
I do not need a cloud;
nor sunscreen to shy away from my own power.
It serves no one to make yourself smaller or taller;
than you really ARE.
***
They?
Are me!
The hiding will no longer be.
I own me.
And they ?
From now on are fully integrated in me.
***
Success?
I define it as no longer having any sort of stress;
in my life!
Success is relative to All That Is.
Success comes naturally; once authentically;
aligned within.
As within; so without.
No doubt!
Finally!
I have fully figured out why I write.
Why has this been given to me?
I am not a literary;
wonder.
I do know that.
I am not Shakespeare, I am also not writing about Lady Guinevere.
Let’s assume that Lady is me.
I have a his-story.
Just like you.
Now that we’re in the third attempt of shifting into fifth dimension consciousness ;
it is vital we make amends;
with who we really are.
I never once thought it would go as far;
as writing out the story of my life.
But because I am no longer attached to that mess;
I live a life free of stress. (wordcount: 111)
***
When I write; I am.
There is no Uncle Sam and I am free of any outside influencing spam.
These words coming alive right before my very own eyes;
often make me smize.
I follow the DNA of my heart;
written in words for some seemingly harsh ;
to read, but it is always the feed;
from my heart.
LOVE.
***
Love doesn’t enable habits that are hurtful to yourself or others.
That is why I had to let go of my father and mother.
It wasn’t an act of hate; it was an act of faith.
What you let go of has a chance to transform;
into a love-norm.
Fear enables; love let’s go.
So we can all learn to dance to our inner-mojo.
Once we go with that flow; we all re-connect;
when we least expect.
***
This morning after writing my now forelast post;
well, this host;
finally figured out;
why it’s me that writes.
It is to enlight, me.
But they say: also thee.
Who-ever that may be.
I also figured out;
I am being used;
although at times I perceive it as ‘abuse’,
(and now they giggle amused)
by writing about my own life.
It is because I have the ability;
to still see;
from a de-tached observers point of view .
***
Many a times, after I write;
I have to laugh out loud.
“O boy, I can’t believe that just came out !”
I post it either way because I laugh at all they
Life really is just funn-ay!
It’s when you start to believe in all the Cosmic jokes;
your reality becomes a hoax.
***
To enlighten is to lighten up!
Fun and Joy is the real mcCoy.
Drink soy, eat sugar, make love, not war;
beliefs either get you far;
or are keeping your inner-sun at bay.
Sunscreen?
I don’t believe in it!
Why would we want to hide from our sun?
The sun it’s within;
it enlightens us free from sin.
Sunscreen is like the clouds;
clouds are like our beliefs.
I’d rather be free;
so I can truly and uniquely be me authentically.
Conformity?
Even though there are many things about my face I’d change;
it is my inner-grace;
made manifest in flesh!
Pulling a Heidi Montag?
Is she believes it sets her free;
I will not make fun of thee.
We all have the right to who we think we need be.
But Heidi; let me quote thee:
“Real beauty is on the inside.”
Why then would you conform and hide;
from that beautiful inner-side?
***
Whatever you look like;
your light;
shines the most bright;
once aligned;
with your most beautiful sunny in-side.
***
Mine is on the right;
and it comes through when I write.
That is when I’m aligned;
with my left-side.
I no longer hide;
my light.
***
Come to think of it;
haven’t done that in a year now.
I wonder, when will there be some love-thunder?
***
If you don’t want me to write about you;
even though many a times others are hidden in clues;
then it’s best to stay away from me.
Writing sets me free;
if you are also uniquely you;
and can laugh about all you do;
then seriously;
it should be you and me!
***
I wonder too; about that clue;
they left me;
not so long ago.
Again, I’m at the ‘end’ of my money flow…
I’d love some more dough, but I also know;
it comes to me; when I am.
I do wonder: when the following words spoken to me,
will be set free:
” Once you’ve served a purpose; that purpose will serve you!”
Just because you think my beliefs are uttterly absurd;
doesn’t mean you have the power to hurt;
me.
I know not to take things personally.
***
There are a billion different people on this planet.
That means there are just as many different realities.
We look different, but really we are all the same.
We just have been taught to act out this really great pre-tend game.
We pre-tend I am better than you;
just because school, my parents and society told me to.
I choose to question things.
Not always easy, especially not on flings.
When I see your face;
I feel your inner-grace.
I don’t necessarily believe your act.
When your act and inner-grace are out of alignment;
My mind has a tendency to stop;
listening to my inner-plot.
It came as a ’shock’;
this morning when I realized I was out of line;
with mine.
***
Since the last few days, I have found it hard to trace;
why I had been feeling very out of sorts since I saw your face .
Now I know.
It came to show;
in my own writing mojo.
You see, I write, to enlight.
Not you, but me.
Yet they say, if it makes you see;
something as well, than it’s a real gift.
Pfff, already I can feel a shift…
***
Where was I going with this?
Common Ground.
Just because you might have an unknown amount;
of money;
doesn’t mean, your value is more than me.
Energetically;
I might be;
richer than you are.
To which your reply might be; “That won’t get you far!”
Well, maybe not just yet to Africa;
but this chica;
is making sure;
that my whole being is pure;
and self-secure;
before I can step into a ‘mature’;
adventure.
Self-complacency, doesn’t ’suit’ me.
Putting my beliefs on someone else;
only re-instates the doubt in myself.
I needed to be in the company of someone other than me;
to see;
there was still a little doubt in me. (wordcount: 333)
You made me see;
myself!
How could I have forgotten ground rule number one?
The Universe is a mirror and then some!
***
I’m sure I triggered you, more than once.
Stating that ‘fork with which you eat may not be real’;
might not have been the smartest move on my behalf.
But maybe it opened up;
a key that you thought was long lost.
We all reflect what we least expect.
***
In ‘my’ world, it’s about giving birth;
to balance.
Over and over again.
Even if that means a man;
here and there;
thinks I’m crazy and in utter despair.
That is true, but it adheres only to my hair.
Balance is about uniting; not fighting.
That is so second world war.
Do we ever again wanna go that far?
***
This third try, of wanting to ascend;
is not going to fail.
We are already in this great shift .
At times, yes, I do perceive it as shit.
But instead of fighting it; I accept and surrender.
For more than thirty years I was my own worst offender.
I do not want to be a competitive contender!
I surrender; to All That Is.
That, is how I am in bliss.
This miss; accepts, that you, you and you might have a different view. (wordcount: 555)
I don’t care, but I feel it would only be fair;
if you stop calling me crazy, lazy or lil hazy daisy.
I don’t call your views out there.
I don’t think you are in despair.
But let’s be fair!
Let’s look at what we have in common.
I could summon,
up, a whole lot.
The easiest one is; the organ without we can not exist.
It is our heart.
I think with it.
My mind?
Follows it blind.
I trust, that my heart is smart enough;
to bringing me right ‘there’;
where there is unity, no despair.
And if unity wasn’ t there;
it was just to give some old and rigid beliefs in me some air.
My heart?
It’s always fair to me!
Sometimes, I just don’t see it immediately.
***
I’m happy, we met.
You might’ve been the key, that really set me free.
Just like my daddy ;
in physical life did for me;
by donating his sperm;
to my mommy.
They chose me, I chose them.
In physical life it is about biology,
but really;
the heart is in charge.
It carries the DNA of all that you will play .
In fact; it knows your future play too.
That is why I’m saying to you;
surrender is the best place to be in;
that is how the ’shift’ is to ‘win’.
I follow the trace of my heart;
because it knows my future play.
I do have a say!
Will I lead myself astray and keep true love at bay;
or will I dance this dance in this unknown play?
Never again will I walk away;
from my DNA.
My hearts play.
It is ten pm.
I thought I could get to sleep, but then this man;
’showed up’!
***
I kept getting signs about the beginning of this story of mine.
The above man I’m talking about, we met in Whistler. (time: 10:01)
We chatted and had fun.
It was short, but sweet.
He would’ve liked to greet; again.
But you my dear man; have to know; I couldn’t show up;
because back then, I was spent and all I did was worry about how to pay for rent.
***
The man; he’s a writer .
I just found out, he’s been following me on twitter.
I truly hope he never got bitter; over me not really responding to him;
after he asked me to come along on a trip to Whis .
That was in August 2008.
Now I know it was never meant to be my fate; to go on that Whistler date.
***
Why is this story coming up?
At first I thought; is it because;
he read the first part of what I then thought; would be ’my’ book ?
One, by the way; I sensed he thought was worth nothing more than to throw in some nook.
I’m all good; with that.
My first writings weren’t exactly rad.
It was really me just asking all the questions I had about life.
All the answers pretty much came down; to something some of you might give a frown.
The answer to all those questions were and still are: Everything Just Is.
C’est simple!
But that is how, and where it started for this miss.
Yet..the initial question and the answer to it;
do not give me that ‘hit’.
***
So the detective, in me; will set one more question free.
Is it because the name of this man coming to the surface; might have something to do;
with the story of you ? (time: 10:23 pm)
They say: Joohoo! (wordcount: 300)
Ok, so there you go; another clue!
***
Back in 2008, I ignored the above mentioned man.
Not because I didn’t like him; I hardly even knew him.
It was because I was e-motionally in a very bad place.
In that state; I simply did not want to ’show my face’;
to someone elses grace.
I guess fate decided for us, because we weren’t ‘awake’.
***
Now that I am, and…I know that I was fully guided to live in the town of this man ;
I can not believe how full on the synchronicities have been today!
When I came back walking my way;
from the Adventure Centre, going ‘home’;
the name of my oldest brother popped into my head.
I don’t know whether I have said;
the following before;
but I tend to forget all that I previously came to explore. (time: 10.44)
That is, until they help me to re-member all that I wrote back in February, July and September.
Is this post to confirm, I was ‘right’ about the link between you and my oldest brother?
They tell me now to ask whether it has to do with your mother?
***
I read somewhere that before twin-flames finally re-unite;
they start to communicate telepathically .
I really do hope you can’t see me;
cuz right now; I don’t look so hot!
But;
was it you, conversing with me, early that morning?
***
Just know, that if it was you; I do know exactly to what clue;
that one sentence refers to.
I would never put you through;
something my mom ‘did to me’.
There are three things;
besides passion,really important to me.
Honesty, Integrity and Loyalty.
Thee,
most know; I don’t spill the beans;
if they’re not mine to spill.
I’ve had my fill;
of that, and I do know, however small or big your story;
it is not mine to tell.
Besides; I’ve got my hands full working on my own.
“Would you also like to have a great home;
in Whistler?”
Guess what; since we’re already communicating telepathically;
tonight in my dreams, I’d like some answers from thee.
You will know what my questions are;
I will go to sleep now, knowing the answers aren’t far;
away.
My dreams hold the keys ;
to my questions.
God I love being intune, with myself!
It makes it so much easier to communicate with that special someone else.
I don’t need a phone;
I can easily speak to my ‘clone’.
Maybe that’s why;
my phone has been dis-connected.
So I could fully concentrate on be-ing re-connected;
with myself and that special someone else.
